In The Name Of Love

Bust out the lights, red lipstick, and jazz hands, I’m going to Chicago!

Having only traveled to Chicago once before, I feel like I am going to be able to redeem my first experience by actually being able to see the city… even if only for a day. I’ll be speaking at the Evangelical Covenant Youth Workers Connection this weekend and I’m excited to encourage, equip, and empower the leaders of the next generation.

Being that it’s my first time speaking in Chicago, I’m wildly nervous. And when I’m nervous I talk a lot. And when I talk a lot I’m annoying. And when I’m annoying no one wants to talk to me. It’s a vicious cycle I hope to break in the windy city of Chi-town.*

I’m also posting this here because I would love to [shamelessly] solicit prayer. I’m teaching a workshop on telling your story, and right now—in this moment—my story is the very thing I want to run away from. I want to be perfect and polished and pretty, but right now I feel like a juggling clown with really bad makeup. I will also be speaking on the closing Sunday night session and would be ever-grateful if you prayed I kept my marbles together. The last thing we need is for me to get emotional and turn into a weeping willow! Can I get an amen?!

Please add to your to-do list: Pray for Bianca.

If you’re in the Chicago area and have some MUST-TRY things to do or places to explore culinary cuisine, let me know.

*Note to self: Discover why native Chicagoans refer to Chicago as Chi-town.

I know people who live in a constant state of regret. They question every move, lament every decision, and want a rewind option for life.

I know this because I AM that person.

Sometimes I think I’m Jewish because I’m positive I could complain for 40 years and not even realize I’m wandering in a desert. I also really like falafels, but that’s besides the point. I find myself in a monthly daily tension in choosing to believe God works all things out for good… even my mistakes. That’s why I don’t believe we should let our mistakes inhibit our growth in seeing God use even our failures for His glory.

Sheryl Crow coined the expression, You’re my favorite mistake. Oh Sheryl, you’re so prolific! I’ve been thinking about the mistakes that I’ve made that have actually been worked out for God’s glory and good. Here’s a list of some of my favorite mistakes:

• Joining youth ministry happened by fluke!. It was a mistake I got suckered into going to summer camp in Lake Tahoe in 2004. Best seven-year mistake of my life!
• Buying a convertible roadster BMW Z3. Could I afford it? No. Was it a stupid purchase? Yes. Think it was a mistake? Favorite mistake. It allowed me to see the vanity and stupidity in my own life as a single 25 year-old. Annnnnnd drive around with the top down with students from youth group. Fav mistake, y’all!
• Breaking into the BIOLA pool after not returning my employee key. I justified as a ministry opportunity because I invited my non-saved friends from La Mirada high school to join me. See, I was just loving my neighbor as I loved myself!

What are some of your favorite mistakes? Don’t be shy…

He was terrified. Petrified, actually. He shook violently in Matt’s arms for half an hour after the incident. Ricci, our five pound, eight month old Dachshund, was finishing his nightly walk when he turned the corner of our block to be met by two, huge K9 dogs in front of our neighbors house.

Matt saw the dogs and assumed they were on a leash… until they sprinted after Ricci like canine Hunger Games mutations, foaming at the mouth and barking fiercely. Matt ran to Ricci and picked him up in one swift motion and raised him above his head so the jumping dogs couldn’t eat him. Once the owner retrieved the dogs and apologized for not having his mutations on leashes, Matt realized that Ricci lost control of his bodily function and defecated* on his hands, his shirt, and the leash.

After a bath and some coddling, Ricci seemed better. However, something changed. He became a different dog after that incident. Every time we leave our house for a walk, he yelps wildly like he’s possessed or suffers from rabies at the sound of their bark.

I saw a gentle, loving dog morph into an angry, rabid creator because of fear.

As Matt recounted the story for me, a chill ran down my spine. I empathized with Ricci. No, I’m not five pounds and my legs are [thankfully] longer than his. But I felt for him because fear changed him… as fear changes us.

Fear can overtake us and turn us into cold shells of the person we once were. We yell and shout things we don’t mean out of protection and defensive means so as to not be perceived as littler, weaker, or fearful. We perhaps feel unprotected and outnumbered against our enemy. But we’re not.

Standing behind us is a protector, someone who can scoop us up with we feel like we’re being attacked and clean us up when we make a mess of our life.

1 John 4:18 tells us that perfect love casts out all fear. Ricci—yes, I know he’s just a dog but for metaphor sake, bear with me—is loved. He doesn’t need to fear because he has a protector like God protects us [Psalm 18:2], shields us [Psalm 91:14], and heals us [Luke 9:11].

We can rest in knowing that we don’t have to fear. We are protected.

*Mom, I used the word defecate and not poop just for you. Yes, I know you’re proud.

We’ve all faced storms in life. Some are like the short bursts of warm rain, common in tropical islands like Hawaii. And others—well, they can feel like category four hurricanes when at any given moment you might get washed away.

If I’ve learned anything about weathering those storms, it has been:

1. they don’t last forever
2. I don’t need to make major decisions in the midst of them.

Thoughts and feelings run wild in the midst of crisis, but those are exactly the times we need to be careful about making decision. I often say to myself, Let emotions subside before you decide. Yes, I’m a prolific rapper.

GOD is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not fear when earthquakes come and mountains crumble into the sea. Let the oceans roar and foam. --Psalm 46:1-3

I’ve never been a pot-smoking hippy. I’ve never dropped acid. In fact, I’ve never even smoked a cigarette. As a self-diagnosed control freak, the thought of being under a mind-altering substance gives me anxiety with an insatiable urge to breathe deep, controlled breaths into a brown paper bag.

But yesterday I tripped out. Like in a 1960s Woodstock Love-In kind of way. I was reading about the mathematical understanding of infinity and felt like Neo when he unplugs from the Matrix. Infinity is simply an endless amount of value or numerical properties; in short, it goes on forever.

I first learned about infinity in Mr. Turner’s Algebra class freshman year of high school. He explained infinity by holding a pointer in one corner of the room and proceeded to pirouette on his left foot again and again and again. He said infinity is a series of numbers that do not stop and go on for-ev-er.

Fifteen years later, I’m grasping the concept. [What can I say? I was home-schooled so I'm a little slow.]

∆∞u = 0

Delta [the triangle] times infinity [∞] times u [anything] = zero. Within zero are infinite possibilities of numerical properties! All numbers [whether positive or negative] come from a foundational meeting place of zero! I’m writing with exclamation points because this is incredible!

Now, let me explain to you my breakthrough yesterday.

The bible tells us God’s love for us is infinite [Romans 1:19-20, Romans 5:8, 1 John 3:16]. Infinite is unending, like me pirouetting around the room again and again and again. However, when we truly understand infinite also includes negative numerical values, that means from even before zero, infinity existed!

Essentially, from before we had any value, God loved us infinitely. Not just our future numbers, but our negative numbers as well. Not just our negative properties but our positive properties too. Before our very existence, GOD LOVED US INFINITELY.

Ok, right about now I feel like the Nutty Professor talking to myself like a crazy person. But listen, we’re all one bad relationship away from owning thirty cats and hoarding!

Please get this, friends. The magnitude of God’s love reaches from the east to the west, from the north to the south, from the depths of the oceans to the heights of heaven [Psalm 36:5, Psalm 108:4, Psalm 57:10] and it never fails or ends [1 Corinthians 13:8, Psalm 136].

Never feel unloved. His love for you is INFINITE! And yes, I’m saying this to you with a pointer in my hand reaching one end of my room while pirouetting around and around and around. You. Are. Loved.

After a year and a half of marriage

Me: [alone in the closet past midnight reading the last book of the Hunger Games trilogy] I can’t believe it ended! I can’t believe it ended. I can’t believe it ended… [crying commences]

Bianca: [crying in bed]
Matt: [wakes up] What’s wrong?! What happened?
Me: Oh nothing.
Matt: Bianca, it 1:00am and your sobbing so hard the bed is shaking. What happened?
Me: I feel if I tell you won’t care or you’ll think I’m crazy…
Matt: What’s wrong? I’m here to listen.
Me: Well, I finished the Hunger Games trilogy and I just can’t believe it ended. Peeta was the most amazing man and, I mean, I saw two people fall deeply in love and fight for each other and beat the odds and  I feel… I just feel so…
Matt: [silence]
Me: I feel so…
Matt: Zzzzzzzz… [snoring]

After a year and a half of marriage, my love affair with fictional characters and great story lines is the best antidote for inducing sleep of my spouse.

Hey, hey Boo! It’s Monday and what better way to start off the week than with the following reminders:

• Genie pants don’t look good on women with curves. [Learn from my mistakes]
• Men should never, ever belch out a bible verse. [I'm sure that's against the Ten Commandments or something.]
• Your job should be a calling, not a career. [Easy to say, hard to do.]

If you have any questions or comments, feel free to state your mind. Until then, happy Monday.

Honey Booboo Child

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. —Romans 12:9

Paul’s simple words to Roman congregation, swells up in my heart and creates a feeling of consternation.
Do I really love people like I say I do? Or am I lying to the world and being a fool?
It’s easy to be a contender for the role of pretender, but I refuse to take his words lightly so I choose to live rightly.
Yes, choose. Because it’s a choice.
Don’t pretend to love others. It can’t be a rue.
Simply love the brethren. Really do.

If I could personify 2011, I would say it’s name was Guido, he had an New Jersey accent, and loved to wear gold chains around his hairy neck. It was a rough and tough year. The year began with high hopes and expectations of stepping out of the proverbial boat and walking miraculously on water.

And that happened.

I left an amazing [but comfortable] job, I walked away from controlling my workflow and purpose, and submitted to a cause bigger than myself. Coming alongside The A21 Campaign meant leaving my comfort zone and releasing my coiled, prying fingers from control. Ultimately, saying yes to God was saying no to a million other selfish desires.

But I forgot water walking isn’t indefinite. It isn’t permanent. It’s a moment of trusting the call of God. That’s it.

When Peter climbs out of the boat in Matthew 14, I wager to believe there was a moment of euphoria. Something like, Oh my God! Wait Jesus, that’s you, huh? Whatever. This is insane! But then something happened. The winds blew and fear overtook Peter. He saw his surroundings and realized he was in over his head. Literally.

As Peter began to drown, he called out to Jesus saying, Lord, save me! This is why I love Peter. He immediately called out to the one who could help him. Matthew documents that the very moment Peter cried out, Jesus was there to save him. In true Jesus fashion, he turns the rescue mission into a learning moment.

You of little faith, He said. Why did you doubt?

If I’m honest with you, I doubted. I got out of the boat, walked on water, got scared, cried out, and was saved. Again. And again. And again. Last year I failed to accomplish one fourth, 25%, a quarter of what I set out to do in 2011. I looked back at my lofty list of new years resolutions and licked my battle wounds. Guido kicked my butt and seemingly got the best of me.

But I heard a still small voice whisper, You of little faith. Why do you doubt? [Obviously Jesus speaks to me in present tense.]

God doesn’t operate on my timeline. He isn’t swayed by my calendar appointments, Outlook requests, or meeting agendas. [And he definitely doesn't give a rip about Guido!] God wants me to trust him. Plain and simple.

When I wrote yesterday that we can do all things through the power of Christ, I meant it. I’m living proof that you can get out of the boat, walk on water, flail around helplessly, and still accomplish what God wants you to do as long as you trust in his saving grace and ability to accomplish great things through simple people.

Now that 2011 is over and I’m determined to hold onto faith, I’m acting like a tough girl. Yeah, that’s right. A tough girl!

Hey Guido… shave your back hair!

Philippians 4:13 is a very popular scripture that is often quoted out of context. It says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” That doesn’t mean you can just do anything you decide to do because you want to do it. Paul was talking specifically about how he was able, through the power of Christ, to be content no matter what his circumstances were.

I do believe that, by God’s grace, we can do whatever we need to do in life. I think that’s a mindset we need to have. There’s nothing that’s too much for you if you’re trusting God. You can handle whatever comes your way because God promises that He’ll never put more on us than we can bear and deal with.

So keep a positive attitude no matter where you are right now, no matter what’s going on in your life. Cheer up, God is on your side. Stop being upset about things you can’t do anything about.

God wants you to know that He has an individual plan for your life, and He wants you to accept His unique plan for you and not compare your plan with anybody else’s. You have to trust God knows more about what you need and what you can handle than you do. After all, He knows you better than you know yourself!

Tomorrow I’ll be sharing about this in my personal experience with this station of life. Tough as it seems, I know that I’m in this particular season for a reason. Do you compare yourself to others? Do you feel like all things seem impossible to even comprehend? You’re not alone. And yes, you can do all things through the power of Jesus.